HarleyQuinn! Dean x Reader :Obsessive Love: 18

    Obsessive Love
       CHAPTER 18
       Broken Hearts Mold Together


    “I killed Michael because he was getting in our way. Once I saw you two at dinner a while back I knew he wanted you too, and I need you in my life (Y/N). You are single handedly the most important person in my life. I want you to know that I got Michael out of the way for both of us.”


       You stood frozen, silent like the emptiness within. A thick tension loomed over the barren dusty room as you tried to process what the hell you just heard. Your throat refused to let you speak as your chest tightened. Suddenly the feeling of being close to Dean made your skin crawl. No more did his embrace make you feel welcomed or safe. This was not the home you knew. All you wanted to do was detach him from yourself and run.

       Flashbacks of your first meeting with him rushed into your head.

       It was so hard to breathe…. The room started to spin. You were urging yourself to stay standing.
       
       You couldn’t faint, not with Dean in the room. Who knows what he’d do….

       But wait- …..


    “Once I saw you two at dinner a while back I knew he wanted you to….”


       How long had he been watching you?

       You pushed Dean away from you, feeling a little relieved that he wasn’t as close to you. Even the sight of his face made you feel utter disgust. Your throat was starting to burn with the desire to throw up.


       “What?!” You shrieked taking a few steps away from him. Your blood ran cold as you felt the wind knocked out of your lungs. Everything was falling down and burning into ash. Dean stepped forward only for you to take a step back. The closer he was, the more uncomfortable you felt. “DON’T GET ANY CLOSER!” You put a hand up as the delirium began to take over. Your breathing that had stopped took a drastic turn and started to quicken like your heartbeat. Adrenalin pumped its way through your body. You used this as a drug to fuel your argument. Everything was starting to sink in hitting you like a pile of bricks.

       “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” God even his voice made you want to throw up.

       A nauseous feeling took over your body, your stomach was threatening to release everything you ate in the past day. You started to feel the familiar feeling in your nose and eyes. Your body was practically ripping itself apart, just by a few words that formed your demise. Hot tears poured from your eyes and spilled onto the floor. “H-how could yuh-you do this?!” You hiccupped a few times, clenching your eyes as the emotional pain was too much to bear. “I-I thought you changed Dean!” You coughed into your sleeve and wiped your tears away as you continued to sob your heart out for Michael.

       “Baby doll, I have changed!” Dean tried defending himself to you to no avail.
You looked at him incredulously; your eyes were wide mirroring the crazy that still dwelled within the man in front of you. “Really? You expect me to believe that?! Dean he was my best friend! Who not to fucking mention, was JUST my friend! Couldn’t you think to, oh I don’t know? FUCKING ASK ME ABOUT HIM?!” Sobs racked through your body as you distanced yourself from Dean. The small movements you made were the most you could do right now. “Oh god Dean…..oh my god…” You murmured. Your eyes were clenched tightly. A hole felt like it was being ripped into your chest. It was like nails were ripping off your skin, slowly, painfully. Your coughs made your throat sore and rough.

       “(Y/N), don’t you get that-”

       “You don’t get to talk!” You cut Dean off pointing at him. “Don’t come near me anymore, don’t call me, don’t see me. Just.”

       Dean shook his head. He could practically feel someone reaching their hand into his chest and ripping his heart out. Dean had worked so hard to be with you, didn’t he deserve to be happy? Why were you fighting him so much? You knew what he did was for you both. So clearly if you loved him you would accept him, no matter what. “Babydoll, don’t do this.”

       “No! No…” You breathed out feeling your stomach churn looking into Dean’s green eyes.

       They held so much pain, but you didn’t feel sympathy for him anymore.

       Oh no.

       Dean had crossed a line. He was so far past the line that you couldn’t even see it anymore. He had betrayed you, hurt someone you cared about. You didn’t even want to know if Dean had dismembered him before or after he was dead. That nauseous feeling came back stronger than ever. It had a tight grip on your throat that it wasn’t about to let go. “I can’t see you anymore….I just…” You started backing away from Dean stumbling over your words. Your sobs wouldn’t even let you speak above a whisper.

       “H-hey, l-let’s talk about-about this. Like adults, just you…..and uh, and me. Ok? Can we do that?
     
       Please?” Dean pleaded with you. He needed you. If there were no you, there would be no him. No was not an option. You helped him survive for so long already, how would he go on?

       All you could do was close your eyes and shake your head no. “No….no..no..no….” Tears collected at your chin. Your voice  was weaker than before. Dean caught up to you and forcibly pulled you into an embrace. “Please stop Dean….please stop…..” You cursed yourself for not having your gun on you.

       But would you really shoot him?

       The comfort that came with his embrace no longer existed. It only made you feel trapped, strangled with no space. “Dean! Get off me!” You struggled in his grasp.


    If you knock her out then you can keep her in your basement…..safe and sound for you to love...


       Dean held onto you tighter, tears running from his own eyes. A part of him was titillated at the thought of you being like his sex slave just waiting for his attention and affection. The insanity was taking a toll and was fogging his mind.


    Your baby girl would be there any time you wanted her….
       She’d love you unconditionally…..
       Not to mention she’d do that thing you fantasized about last night…


       He couldn’t lose you….


    Keep her…..


       ….he just couldn’t.


    This way she’d never see another dirty man….

       “Dean!” You shrieked. Claustrophobia became overwhelming. With one last hope of getting away, you snapped and kneed Dean in the crotch and shoved him away. The shock of pain gripped him throughout his entire body.

       “Gah! Fuck!” Dean cursed as he crouched holding his stomach with one hand still on your wrist. He yanked you back instantly when you tried to run, like his last chance to keep you for himself.

       “Let go of me!” You screamed. On instinct your hand shaped into a fist and made swift contact with his face. A loud crack of the skin on skin echoed through the abandoned hideout. The adrenaline continued to flow through your body, taking control as you kicked him in the chest. The floor boards rattled as Dean hit the floor, dust coming up off the floor.

       “Gah! (Y/N) stop...come back…” Dean whimpered as you bolted as fast you could out of the building. Your footsteps became quieter and quieter until he could no longer hear them. Dean lay there in pain, physical and emotional. All he could think about is why.

       Why?

       Why did you not accept him?

       Why did you not love him?

       He did everything he could for you and you still spat it back in his face. All Dean wanted, was to be loved, to be comforted, to be held. His mind strayed to Jackie, comparing you to her. While the physical and emotional pain she inflicted on him was much worse than what you did, Dean’s heart was a hell of a lot more broken. He loved you more than Jackie…..


       He wanted to marry you….

       He was going to ask you….
       
       The thumping in Dean’s head matched his heart, hard and slow. It was like the stitching you did to
       
       Dean’s heart was coming undone as the pain set in.
       
       Dean sat up. His mind had been made up. Anger started to set in, replacing the sadness that dwelled in his body not so long ago. Now he had a plan, all he had to was talk to a certain brother of his.

       ~~~~~

       Nothing felt right anymore. Your emotions felt wrong, being in your body felt wrong….. The taxi you took was a very quiet drive home. Every loud noise that registered in your ears made you flinch and look behind you. From an onlookers point of view, you probably looked crazy looking over your shoulder every few seconds.

       But you had to….


       If you didn’t, you ran the risk of Dean being there to pull you down in the rabbit hole he called home. You barely had any sanity left as it was, if any more left you would be the next transfer to Arkham Asylum. The one time you visited that nut house was for sure to be your last….


       Forgetting about both your visit to the crazy house and Dean’s last visit with you, you quickly locked the door. Even after you used both the chain lock and dead bolt, it still didn’t feel enough. You still felt exposed, naked. Your beating heart quickened as you ran to the dining room, picked up one of the chairs and stuck it under the doorknob.

       The nagging fear that squeezed your brain still told you that you were vulnerable. You had to take more precautions if he were to get in here, maybe you should leave for a few days?

       Maybe not…

       You still had work to do and there was still a large case on your hands that needed solving. If anyone were to be hurt, you’d rather it be you than them. Part of you thought of commuting, but even then you still ran the risk of Dean getting into your apartment and doing god knows what.

       So for now you would just lock down your place like a bunker.

       You made sure that every curtain was drawn, every opening was closed including vents, the lock on the balcony door was still secured, and the barricade in front of the door kept strong. Even with all the precautions you made, you still didn’t feel safe. Dean would still be able to get in. He was skilled and you knew it. If he wanted to get in, he’d do it.

       Damn him…

       Dean freaking Winchester.

       Not only had he snuck his way into your life, but he took it away.

       He took away your sanity, your comfort.

       He took your mind so now all you could think about was what his next move was.

       Would he come for you?

       Would he hurt someone else to get you back?


       ~~~~~


       “SAM!” Sam flinched from the loud roar of his brother. He set down his book as the foot steps got louder, more like stomps. His anxiety levels were sky rocketing instantly thinking he did something wrong.

       “Yeah? What’s wrong?” His brother came in like a rolling storm. Dean now had a faint purple hue on his cheek and his clothes were dirty with dust and a few rips. Dean stopped in front of him, his facial features were rock hard.

       “D’ya still have that love potion on hand?” Sam looked up and saw the wreck his brother had turned into. His cheek was sporting a dark purple mark and his clothes were dusty.

       “U-uh yeah….why?” Sam asked hesitantly. With the crazy look Dean was sporting he didn’t know if he wanted to know why…

       “I don’t know what to do anymore! I’m going outta my fuckin mind over this woman!” Dean paced in front of his brother, a burning rage taking over his body.

       Sam’s expression turned from worried to confused. Hadn’t the marriage proposal gone over well?
       
       “What’d she do?”

       Dean’s jaw clenched. “I told her about Michael and she overreacted! Ran away and left me with this.” Dean pointed to his cheek that was turning a darker purple. The rage dissipated away, leaving a film of sadness in its wake. He slumped onto the couch next to Sam. Dean’s attitude completely shifted in another direction. “I just-I just don’t get it….I’ve done-everything I can….and still she pushed me away…” Dean wiped away a few stray tears that sprinkled down his cheeks.

       Sam’s anxiety went down now knowing the source of the problem. He felt a pain in his chest that tightened.

       It was guilt.

       He was the one who said that Dean should tell you, this was his fault….

       “I’m sorry, …I shouldn’t have said anything-”

       “No Sam!” Dean interrupted him, facing his body towards his brother. “This is not your fault. It was the right thing for me to do…” His attention turned to the ground, looking for something to do with his life other than thinking of you.

       An uncomfortable silence clouded over the room. Sam looked up and glanced over at Dean. Yet another time his brother’s heart was broken… An idea sprung into Dean’s mind. “Do you still have that love potion on hand or not?”


       ~~~~~

       Your body and mind were broken. It was like the will and motivation to do anything had flown out the window and died. You stared at your phone, telling yourself to call him.

       Call Jim.

       Tell him what happened to you can get Dean behind bars.

       The psychologist in you knew that this was no easy feat though. You had literally just said you loved Dean. And because of this emotional attachment to him, you couldn’t do it.

       It’s like the reason someone goes back to their cheating spouse, because maybe they can change.
       What a small word with such a big meaning…

       Maybe.

       Dean had changed for you, which was the main reason you were so hesitant to call Jim. The logical thing would be to call Jim, but here you were still caught in the whirlwind of romance that was driving you crazy.

       Let the carrousel go round and round, because fighting it is no use. There is no out, only in.

       The ache in your heart was getting worse, even after you took heart burn pills.

       Scrubs played in the background as you lay on your bed, face up staring at the ceiling blankly. The list of pros and cons still continued to battle.


Cons

       1. If you turned Dean in, you’d never see him again. Unless you wanted to visit Arkham Asylum, which was out of the question.

       2. You’d never feel love quite as strong as his for you, but that was another risk. You could, but maybe you wouldn’t.

       3. You didn’t want him to hate you, but why should you care? You deserve to feel safe.


Pros

       1. Maybe you’d be able to sleep better at night

       2. More people would be safe, But you also don’t know that Dean would hurt anyone anymore anyway. All he wanted was Michael gone, but would this turn into killing every male you talked to?

       3. You’d have your sanity back, yet another possibility. Maybe you’d never get it back. And if you were to never have your sanity back, why not be happy with someone you love?


       As you can see, this was getting you nowhere except to a pit of swirling despair.



       Dean felt the familiar flutter of his heart.

       Mmmh, such a good feeling.

       With a look of love in his eyes he dropped onto your balcony. He found a crack in the curtains and shifted on his feet to see if you were in your living room. Once Dean saw that you were nowhere in sight, he checked the door.

       Locked.

       Just as he had expected.

       “Hhhmm, oh baby doll. That’s my girl. Always prepared for anything.” Dean sighed dreamily and brought out his weapon for plan B. He pulled on the trigger of the power drill. It whirred to life. Onwards he went and unscrewed the door from its frame. This part was essential to his plan. If Dean were to make even the smallest sound then all would be ruined. And this wasn’t just important to him, but to you as well.

       How else was he going to love you?

       Dean gingerly leaned the door against the wall of your balcony and tip toed through your apartment into your kitchen.  His eyes kept flickering up in case you moved around. Dean took out the pink glass bottle from his jean’s pocket and put a few drops into the brita filter you kept in your fridge. After that he proceeded to ensure his plan by putting a few drops of potion in every single liquid in your fridge.

       Now you would have to love him….

       From the sound of Scrubs in the background, Dean thought that maybe you were sleeping. The temptation to check on you was strong….

       …but he needed you to come to him.

       With one last look around and a smirk that curved Dean’s lips, he screwed the door back on and slipped back to his apartment for the worst part of the plan.
       
       Waiting.


       ~~~~~


       Lying around and pouting was going to get you nowhere. A couple of hours had passed you by. Yet another night sky graced Gotham with its presence. Over the past couple of hours you had cried an ocean, so by now your body was telling you that you needed water.

       Begrudgingly, you sulked out of bed thickly swallowing your own saliva attempting to relieve something. Your feet padded onto the cold tile of the kitchen. The fridge door opened letting light escape more and more as the crack widened. Your fingers wrapped around your brita filter.
Another intrusive thought rattled your brain.

       ‘Just do it, it’s for the best. Like you said before, you’d rather yourself get hurt than someone else….’

       You set the plastic filter down on the counter and whipped out your phone. You recoiled once the bright LED flash of the phone’s lock screen showed its face. You unlocked your phone and dialed Jim’s number.

       This was what’s for the best.

       You went back to the task of water and poured yourself some water.

       “Hello?” Jim answered. You took a big gulp of water and let it coat your throat all the way down.

       “Hey Jim, I need to report something I saw today.”

       “Are you alright? What happened?” Jim’s voice dripped with concern. Ever since the ball he’d done nothing but worry about you. Even though he wasn’t a psychologist, he knew that something didn’t settle right with you.

       A fuzzy feeling of affection warmed you up and swaddled you in a cocoon. All doubts in your brain were deleted, never to be seen again.

       “I’m fine, never mind.  Gotta go Jim, see you at work.”

       “Wait (Y/N)-!” Jim was only met by dial tone. He huffed in frustration and decided that this was another one of your antics. You were most likely still mourning over your fallen comrade.
You took another drink of water, ultimately sinking you further into a pit of false love.


    I’m going to make it up to you lovey….